I must admit that a lot of the articles posted on this site came from intentional trial and error. But sometimes, you get lucky. This was the case with my wife and I when she went on a trip after having a baby, and I was all alone with our new daughter. Sounds like a nightmare, right? Actually, it was maybe the best accidental thing that could’ve happened.
The Trip After Having A Baby
About four months before she would ultimately give birth, my wife received an invitation to the wedding of her life-long best friend. Because she was pregnant, she wasn’t going to be able to fulfill the duties that a non-pregnant matron of honor would be responsible for, but she was still asked to be a bridesmaid. She only tentatively accepted because the wedding was set for about a month after our due date in Florida (we live in Ohio).
All along, barring any unforeseen complications, we were planning for this trip after having a baby. After all, pregnancy is a long, unrelenting struggle, so why not ensure my wife could spend a couple days in beautiful Florida after what she just put her body through?
So, she ordered her bridesmaid dress. Fast forward a couple months and the pregnancy was on track without complications, so I purchased her flight and hotel room for two nights. If you need help trying to figure out how to budget for something like this, I encourage you to read my article about dads and personal finance. I made those purchases roughly a month before labor and delivery, and we didn’t think about it until after that.
I Want You To Do This
About two weeks after birth, I reminded my wife of her plans. Initially, she was a little hesitant to leave. In her mind she was beating herself up.
She said something like, “an out-of-state plane trip only a month after my baby was born and I’m leaving her. Doesn’t that make me a bad mom?”. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I am sure it was some variation of, “a bad mom, are you fucking kidding me, you’re a fantastic mom. You just went through a pregnancy, 37 hours of labor and your best friend in the entire world is getting married. I want you to do this.”
So, we woke up at 3:00 am the day before the wedding, and I got our baby in her car seat for the drive to the airport so that she could catch a 5:00 am-ish flight. She, like any mom would, got teary eyed when saying goodbye to me and the baby, and after a big hug and kiss, she made her way to the gate.
How It Was For Her During The Trip After Having a Baby
This will be said many, many times over, but I have a phenomenal wife. She made sure that everything was set up so that even I, a Dad to a one month old girl, could succeed. All the laundry was done, bottles clean, milk prepared, nursery spotless, and she even wrote an encouraging note!
My wife was having a blast in Florida and actually had her first alcoholic drink since becoming pregnant. She would FaceTime several times a day to see me and the baby, but by and large I was thrilled that she was having an awesome time. She deserved it after all!
If she was crying, depressed or feeling any negative emotions at all on her trip after having a baby then she deserves an Academy Award. She even thanked me several time during the course of the trip for encouraging her to do it. The bride even thanked me for pushing her to go and taking care of the baby during that time. It was truly the right decision.
How It Was For Me During The Trip After Having A Baby
Gentleman, I won’t lie, those two and a half days were pretty brutal. I’m a first time dad, what the fuck do I know about parenting—let alone taking care of a one month baby?
She screamed a lot. There was piss, shit and spitup for miles. There was crying—and it wasn’t just her. Ok, actually, I didn’t cry, but that was more because I was so tired that I don’t think I had the capacity for any emotions whatsoever. But in the end, it was me, a man and a father, taking care of my daughter.
Now don’t mistake that last sentence. I was basically thrown into the equivalent of a North Korean gulag for the better part of 72 hours. But I survived. I learned a lot. And my love for this little human, particularly during the time when she wasn’t crying and instead was resting in my arms, grew exponentially. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
The bonding I had with my daughter during that trip after having a baby was probably the same amount I would’ve had in six months if my wife wouldn’t have left. Babies need their mothers more than ever during these early stages, but I thank the Good Lord for the opportunity I received to grow as a man, husband, and father.
She Comes Back
When I picked my wife up at the airport she was obviously excited to see me and the baby. Watching her gaze at the baby through my rearview mirror was a special sight.
Besides the bonding the general sense of worth that I gained with my daughter during that time, I can’t express the good that the trip did for my wife. You hear all the time about how hard it is for mother’s to leave their newborns with anyone for a couple hours. Hell, some women breakdown when they drop off their baby at daycare or four year old at preschool. And there’s no judgement whatsoever there, it’s just a fact. But my wife didn’t react that way.
Like she does with most things, my wife took it in stride. One month after giving birth, my rockstar wife was on a plane to an entirely different part of the country WITHOUT her baby. That is the ultimate challenge and my wife beat the shit out of it the same way you would expect a prime Mike Tyson or Muhammad Ali to knockout their opponents.
All The Good It Did
My wife was going to be a great mother whether or not she took that trip after having a baby. But I believe she is an even better mother for doing so. And, she became an even better wife in my eyes for doing it. Not just because she wants to attack challenges, but because she had the faith in me, again a brand new dad, to take care of our baby.
In the end, she got a well-deserved break and had a great time. I learned that I could hang with my daughter no matter how many punches she threw at me. I gained that confidence because my wife knew I could do it. And, most important, I know that whatever milestones my daughter hits or however fast she grows, my wife is going to take it in stride.
Fathers, get your wife to take a solo trip as quickly as you can. It doesn’t need to be across the country. She doesn’t need to get on a plane. Just get her going somewhere. You, her, and your baby will be glad you did!
