We all go through moments in life that are inescapable. Instances when a decision must be made rather than having the luxury of kicking a can down the road. They are rare, making them all the more special and challenging. One of those moments came in the latter part of my wife’s pregnancy. We were both working full-time jobs at that point. And then reality bit us in the ass one day; what were we going to do about our jobs once this baby was born?
We Must Consider (Almost) Everything
It should come as no surprise, that I am vehemently against daycare as a solution to the childcare equation. You can read more about our rationale here, but that was ruled out immediately.
The next thing to consider was a nanny. And it wouldn’t be a full-time nanny because my wife’s job at the time was incredibly flexible. She only needed to be in an office building once every two weeks. After viewing websites like Care, neither of us was comfortable with the cost of having someone watch our children for 10+ hours a week. Or, for that matter, the idea of a stranger watching our children at all!
We next thought about family help. My dad is severely disabled from a botched back surgery and my mom works full-time, so that was generally a non-starter. My wife’s mother is a nasty b*tch who we don’t have any contact with and her father lives two and a half hours away. My only remaining living grandparent was in her late 80s at the time. So there was no weekday assistance coming our way.
Finally, it became clear that one of us had to sacrifice our career, at least for this moment, and raise our kids. After spending 30 seconds, the discussion was complete; my wife made significantly more money than me, and having money in a checking account is vital to raising a child.
Sacrifice Is The Name Of The Game
It should be noted that this was 100% my choice. We were making over $130,000 as a household, so it wouldn’t have been too punitive to send our daughter to daycare or have a stranger watch over her. However, we chose to have this child and by God, we’re going to push all our chips in to make sure she gets the best possible shot at success in life.
And we are extremely fortunate to be in the financial position to only need one income. We’re also incredibly lucky that I possessed a strong enough financial acumen to put together more than enough in savings and the correct allocation of investments as we look towards not just the future with children, but our future after work is done.
That’s not to say I didn’t and don’t question myself from time to time. Because I can do basic addition and subtraction, it was always in my mind that if we went this route I would be the one leaving the job. It helped that I was mentally done with commuting to an office five days each week and there were some aspects of my job that I despised. However, there were still plenty of things I enjoyed doing and getting paid for, so I do miss that in a lot of ways. But my wife and I mutually committed to fitting our lives around our daughter instead of the other way around before we even started trying to get pregnant.
There Can Be No Greater Impact Than This
Let’s be honest for a second. The jobs that 99% of us have are severely fu*king unimportant. If every single one of us, even the president of the United States, died tomorrow our companies would replace us by the end of the week. Almost no one is going to be lying on their death bed congratulating themselves on working 60-hour weeks while their kids were growing. In fact, it’s a near 100% certainty that while on your death bed you won’t think about your job at all!
You will think of your wife. You will think of your kids. You will wonder why you didn’t travel as much. You will wonder why you let the years go by without doing the things you actually wanted to do besides laboring away at the severely fu*king unimportant job we already referenced.
I don’t know when it hit me, but I decided the legacy I would be most proud of leaving behind is self-sufficient, independent, conservative, and happy children. The odds of that legacy coming to fruition by leaving them in the hands of strangers at daycare is not where I would want to place my money. Thank you to my extended family for proving me right about that recently.
I’ll Never Get This Time Back, So Why Waste It?
If you’re a father you’ve likely heard this phrase, “The days are long but the years are short.” It’s simple but profound. Even though I have the great fortune of spending many hours with my daughter each day, I find myself amazed looking back at pictures of her from just a few months ago. Her head fit perfectly in my hand a short while ago and now bending my knees while holding her feels like the beginning of a hellish exercise routine.
Is it difficult sometimes? Sure. Are there moments I wish I was literally anywhere else? Absolutely. Do I curse God occasionally for not giving me the family alcoholism gene that would result in frequent drunken stupors? Guilty as charged. All that said, I am, without a shadow of a doubt, certain that I will look back 10, 20, 30+ years and be so happy that I had the opportunity to spend this time that too many fathers not only miss but even take for granted.
What More Is There To Say?
I ultimately quit my job because that was the right thing for my family. I am not sitting at this keyboard acting like it was an easy thing to do. It was a fu*king really hard thing to do. But as Harrison Butker said to men during his pro-family college commencement speech a couple months ago, “Do hard things. Never settle for what is easy.” These hard things are what make the success and good times in life feel even better.
Compared to being a father, work is easy. And honestly, that’s how I know I’m doing it correctly. I encourage you to join me in not taking the easy way out. Instead, do this hard thing that we call fathering. And do it well.
