Well before we celebrated by daughter’s first birthday three months ago, a singular thought has crept in and out of my brain—time goes too fast while raising kids. It’s a reason I am always befuddled when I hear my friends and family who have relatively high-paying jobs talk about the things their child did at daycare. The question I always ask myself is the title of this article: Why do married parents who can afford to live on one income choose to dump their kids on strangers for more than 40 hours every week?
Why Do I Care What Other Parents Do With Their Kids?
I wouldn’t say I necessarily care what individual parents do. I am concerned about the future of the country, though. We have gone from a society that took pride in traditional values to one that only seems to prioritize meaningless-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things jobs and buying expensive things. A family model that used to revolve around spending time with children and making decisions that are best for them has been replaced by one that fits kids around our schedules and decides things based on convenience.
It’s no wonder why divorce rates are sky high, consumer debt, particularly of the credit card variety, is growing, mental health illnesses are on the rise, and the number of Americans who believe in God is at an all-time low. We are chasing the almighty dollar at all costs, and every other aspect of traditional American life is being downgraded—including the pride we have in raising kids.
Another effect is that everything, including cars, houses, healthcare, and even groceries, keeps increasing in cost because most households with two incomes will have more money than only one. More money in the economy means demand for desirable things goes up and supply goes down.
How Did This Happen?
It’s quite simple—the feminist movement crippled the single-income economy. Some women, probably those who couldn’t have children, decided that leading a household and raising kids was demeaning and traded it in for meaningless-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things careers.
Arguably worse than the ridiculous culture shift is the fact that women get criticized either way. If a woman stays home to raise her kids, then she’s seen as less than because she’s not working. If a woman decides to work, then she’s seen as a sell-out and people wonder why she’s not taking care of her kids. The feminists of the 1970s are here to say, “you’re welcome.” Also, these same people want to let you know they support guys playing women’s sports.
It should be noted that I couldn’t care less if a mom or a dad stays home to watch kids. I’m doing it myself. But, ironically, the feminist movement has made it even tougher for women to be the ultimate breadwinners because it’s harder than ever to live on only one income—regardless of the gender of the person staying home. But maybe this was the plan all along?
You’re Handing Over Your Child’s Brain Development To Strangers
There is one stat that solidified our thinking that daycare would never be a part of our children’s lives: 80% of brain development occurs by a child’s third birthday!
Here is some uncomfortable math for those with children in daycare:
26,280 hours- hours in a three year old’s life
14,000 hours- the average amount of those hours that child has slept by their third birthday
7,000 hours- based on a child spending 45 hours a week in daycare by their third birthday
1,500 hours- the two hours a day you spend with your child between the time you pick them up from daycare and bedtime
4,000 hours- the time you have with them on weekends and holidays
Based on my short amount of time working in an office after my daughter was born, those two hours (and I almost never got a full two hours) after work likely is a time you’re trying to unwind, so it’s not exactly the most fulfilling. So that means you get roughly 4,000 hours of quality time with your kids for those first three years. That is about 33% of the hours they’re awake and only 15% of the total hours. And we can’t forget that errands need to be run, yard work needs to be attended to, and other things pop up randomly. That means you’re not even getting a true 4,000 hours!
Even after subtracting the time spent sleeping in daycare, more than 50% of your child’s waking and learning hours will take place with strangers. Are you really okay with that?
Ok, That Makes Sense, But What Is So Bad About Daycare?
Unless you’re a literal fu*king monster, your interest in your children and their growth is roughly infinitely greater than that of the stranger earning $12 an hour at your local childcare facility. That alone is enough of a reason for me to say, “thanks, but no thanks.”
But our decision was reinforced based on the sleeping habits relayed to us by my wife’s and my friends. Our daughter has slept through the night since she was four months old. It would’ve happened even earlier, but there was one month when I was working and my wife needed to be in an office three days a week. So my father-in-law drove down and watched our daughter.
Before I get rolling, I want to say for the record that I don’t believe I created a miracle baby. What I do believe is that by staying home and paying attention to her individual needs we’ve fostered an environment that has allowed her to thrive.
Sleep Is Too Important
Whether it be crawling, walking, eating with utensils, drinking from a straw, etc., our daughter has been ahead of or, at worst, hit the average age of every milestone. What do we attribute that to the most? The creation of a rigid, stable sleeping environment. Ever since we brought her home from the hospital we have always employed the same sleep routine. We knew it meant nothing early on but trusted it would grow into something excellent. And it did.
The individual attention our daughter received is the opposite of daycare, where there are multiple kids from a variety of age ranges. When it’s nap time for one, it’s nap time for all. Have you ever tried taking a nap or going to sleep when you weren’t tired? It’s pointless.
An unidentifiable (for the purposes of this article) person in our lives explained how, in the early days of daycare, her son struggled to go down for a nap. The only way he would fall asleep was if he was rocked incessantly. Eventually, that turned into needing to be held. And, as I highlighted in a previous article, that devolved into an inability to fall asleep unless she was literally in the same bed. There have been numerous other examples.
Sleeping Is Important, But Is There Anything Else Bad About Daycare?
Countless studies have shown that extensive time spent in daycare results in “fewer social skills, poorer work habits, problem behaviors, and teacher conflict..” Of course, there is the occasional study published, no doubt funded by the childcare industry, that portrays daycare as nothing but a positive. Parents, particularly women, love to reference those studies as they justify leaving their kids with strangers.
But there’s also a financial component. Daycare costs keep rising, and parents are spending nearly a quarter of their income on it. The average monthly daycare cost is nearly $1,300 per month, an increase of 13% year-over-year. That’s slightly cheaper than my mortgage! And it’s not as if that money is being spent to provide solid academics or nutritious food.
So not only are you handing over your child’s brain development to a stranger, the average American is paying nearly $16,000 (for one child) for the privilege of doing so.
I am Judging You
A lot of people like to say, “I don’t judge,” while they’re smack dab in the middle of judging. I won’t waste that precious time; I am judging you. If you are currently in a two-income household but could successfully manage it with only one income AND you put your child in daycare, YOU are part of the problem. I’d go so far as to say you’re not even interested in parenting. So why did you bring a child into this world if you’re only interested in spending a fraction of the waking hours with him or her?
Don’t get pissed off at me or anyone else. Don’t try to rationalize why you’re abandoning your kid. Just accept that at this current moment of your life you are choosing money and material possessions or the development of your child. You are not Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Steve Jobs, or the President of the United States. Your meager existence and likely non-existent contributions to the world certainly do not outweigh the responsibility you have to raise your child and the opportunity to mold a young mind. For at least 99% of the people on this planet, the most important legacy we will leave behind are the children we brought into this world.
Reevaluate your life decisions. Put your children first. Help them become the next great American. But for the love of God, stop dumping your kids and their brain development on strangers. This time goes fast and you’ll never get it back.
