Tipping has gotten crazy in recent times. I got blood drawn this morning and needed some sugar, so I stopped in a local coffee drive-through to buy a sugary drink. I handed the dude my credit card and he then put an iPad in front of my face that asked about a tip percentage. My internal voice went something like this: “A fu*king tip! Are you fu*king kidding me?” And then I proceeded to press ‘no tip’, thanked him for handing me the drinks, and went on my merry way. But it did get me thinking, “Why are we tipping people to provide the good I just paid for?” And, “How much money are people spending on nonsense tips instead of investing it?”
My rules of tipping are simple: 1) If I’m standing then I’m not tipping. 2) If I’m in a drive-through then I’m not tipping. 3) If I’ve paid for a subscription then I’m not tipping. 4) If someone puts an iPad in front of my face asking how much I want to tip them then I’m not tipping.
The first two rules are simple: if I’m standing or sitting in a car to get the product that I paid for, then I’m not tipping. I’m not going to spend any more time on these.
The third rule mainly applies to my Walmart+ subscription, which I wrote about how much I love. I pay $100 for the subscription which gives me free shipping on any item and free delivery on any order over $35. Why would I pay additional money to tip a driver to deliver the items that I’m only getting because of said subscription?
The fourth rule is self-explanatory. Also, if you’re one of these fast food workers who does this, fu*k you.
Basically, if you’re not a waiter, non-Walmart, UPS, FedEx, Amazon delivery driver, bartender, or carrying my bags to my room, don’t even bother asking me for a tip. I have no shame in pressing the ‘no tip’ button. I’ll even look you in the eyes while I do it.
Some of you may be saying, “Damn, this piece of sh*t is cheap.” I simply don’t care. When paying for a good or service I expect to receive that service or good for the price I paid. That being said, if I am at a restaurant, bar, hotel, or my house and someone provides a service that I don’t have a subscription to then I’ll pay extra for the convenience.
The tipping culture that was created over the past 10 years if off the rails crazy. Without looking at any credit card bills, I estimate that I would be out hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars each year if I paid a 10 or 20 percent tip every single time some as*hole tells me that he/she, “has a couple of questions to ask” me on the screen. Spending that money doesn’t magically enhance the experience of the product or service.
It’s not like I have elaborate plans for those hundreds or thousands of dollars I’d be pissing away on superfluous tips either. Unless you consider groceries, things for my baby, or investing for retirement to be elaborate. I am willing to go out on a limb and say that those who usually fall for this scheme are the very same people contributing towards the over $1.1 trillion worth of credit card debt in the United States.
I’m seriously wondering if the next stage of this scheme involves consumers tipping on the tip they just paid.
Is it too much to ask that we go back to the days of businesses accepting payment from a consumer for the stated cost of a good or service before each party goes its separate way?
Fathers, stop falling for this scheme. Buy the good or service, press ‘no tip’ on the germ-infested iPad, and invest your money wisely. Oh, and do it with a smile on your face!
