Things I Am Worried About With A Second Child On The Way

I am a worrier. I’ve always been that way. So it doesn’t take too much brainpower to imagine how nervous I was as we made it to the home stretch. For me, that was the two-month mark. At that point we still, among other things had not decided what we were going to do for childcare, we hadn’t nailed down a pediatrician, and there were a few more things we needed to buy. Oh, and since we were never parents, our worries about actual parenting were nothing but theory. After doing it once, most of the things we were worried about before child one have been replaced by brand new worries with our second child (and first boy) less than two months away. These are the things I am worried about with a second child on the way.

For most of us, money will be something we at least moderately worry about until the day our brain ceases to function. And that’s no different with me. And we are blessed that our money worries are confined more to the unknown than anything in the here and now. We are not living paycheck-to-paycheck, we possess top-tier health insurance, we have many tens of thousands of dollars saved or invested, and, thanks to my budgeting, we are bringing in more than we spend. I project that to still be the case even after the second baby is born.

What I am most concerned about is the unknown of exactly how much adding a second child will increase expenses. I wrote an article about how much we spent during the first six months of our daughter’s life that I’ve personally referenced a few times. I am given comfort in that, besides car seats, another stroller, baby clothes, and a few miscellaneous items, I either have purchased or know what I need to buy in terms of newborn baby gear. However, I am not familiar with what I will need to purchase for my daughter from month 16 on, in addition to the new things for the baby.

We will first up the $200 monthly baby expense budget that I referenced in that article to $300, but it may increase even more.

As I wrote recently, many of our friends and family consider our baby a miracle. Mainly because she is such a consistent and sound sleeper. It only recently hit me as I laid in bed exhausted one night that we were going to need to start the sleep training process all over again. And early on in that process, mommy and daddy don’t sleep well.

People have told us, “Good luck getting another fantastic sleeper,”. Now some of these people are the fu*king weirdos I’ve written about who co-sleep with three year olds , and 100% of them shoved or currently shove their kids into daycare so that someone else can raise them for 40+ hours a week. That eases my concerns a little, but the reality is you just don’t know.

We’re going to do the same things with our son that made our daughter a spectacular sleeper, though that doesn’t mean I’ll stop praying to my Lord for patience, understanding, and a great sleeping baby.

Our daughter is extremely extroverted and loves attention, regardless of whether it comes from us, family, or strangers at a restaurant. So while she does get a lot of attention currently, it is an undeniable fact that the amount she gets from mom and dad is going to decrease.

How will she deal with that? Will it be an easy transition? Will she spite our attempts to get the baby to sleep well? Will she be less happy? Are we doing the right thing by having a second child? Those are all questions that have popped up in my head. You can’t possibly know until you’re going through it.

I suspect we will all adjust successfully, and my daughter will ultimately be better off with siblings than without. So while this is technically a worry of mine, I think the pros are so much greater than the cons that this one doesn’t register as much.

I was 33 and my wife 27 when we got pregnant with our first. We knew we wanted more than two children, with the best odds currently sitting at four. And though the age of the father matters considerably less than that of the mother when it comes to conceiving, I have no interest in having a newborn when I’m 40 years old. That means we need to get the ball rolling.

Anyone contemplating a second child has probably heard of “two under two” which is a short way of saying having two children under the age of two is miserable. I am a contrarian by nature. If everyone else is on one side of a decision, you’ll likely find me on the other. Why? Because I think most people are too dumb to live, so why would the lion worry himself with the opinions of sheep?

This worry creeps into my head occasionally, but it is generally a waste of time. We decided at nine months that were ready to conceive and then proceeded to hit jackpot. The baby is on the way, and my time can be better spent worrying about things I may be able to change. This one ain’t it.

This is a big one. With one child it’s been generally easy for me to try to build this business, take on freelance work, consult on a political campaign, golf, take walks around the neighborhood, etc. That’s because my wife and I are truly team players, and her work schedule is flexible enough to allow both of us get the things done that we’d like. That will surely change with a second baby.

How much will it change? Who knows and that’s where the worry comes into play. The reality is that my kids come first and I would give up each of those things and more for the opportunity to raise self-sufficient, independent, conservative children. I suspect, as we have done with our first child, that we’ll adapt to make sure my wife and I both have the opportunities to do the things we’d like to do while also having our eye on the prize of raising children who will turn into successful adults.

This is the big one. I love my daughter so much that I have cried about it. She is, outside of having the sense to marry the love of my life, the best thing I have done on Earth thus far. But there have been times when I’ve worried about whether I will still love her that much when my son is born. Is there only so much love that can go around?

I’ve even gone so far as to ask my wife the same question. She thinks I’m crazy. She references the countless times she’s seen my eyes widen at just the sight of my daughter. The way I hold her. The things I do for her. It’s a given that I will always love my daughter, though my biggest fear as a parent thus far may be that I am worried I won’t love her as much as she deserves because now there are two children that I want and must shower in love. I have no doubt that I will look back at this article three or four months from now and laugh hysterically that a thought so dumb could even pop into my head. But for now, the worry of not being able to give her what she deserves sits there.

This will be a short one. I pray every night for the good health of me, my wife, my daughter, and our son. He’s doing even better than our daughter did in utero and the genetic testing has cleared the biggest concerns, but that hasn’t stopped me from worrying. I hope we are blessed with a healthy baby both upon birth and after.

I have worried about other things, but I wanted to highlight the top ones on my mind these past seven months. You likely share some of my worries and may have some of your own, but the bottom line is that if you didn’t care then you wouldn’t worry. Because who worries about things that don’t matter to them? Fu*king nobody, that’s who.

Within our society today, people overestimate how important material things are to children and underestimate how valuable the time spent with them is. Give yourself some slack, realize that your worries are likely unfounded, and pour your heart and soul into raising your child(ren). Ultimately, it’s our love, time, and dedication that will shape their future, far more than any of our worries ever could.