For several years my wife and I have spent the weekend closest to July 4 in southern Michigan at her aunt and uncle’s lake house. It gives us the opportunity to enjoy great weather, the water, a fabulous house, and fireworks with family. It is also near my father-in-law and our daughter’s two godparents, so we get together on our way up or back from the trip. This was yet another great trip and not just because of the obvious perks of a lake house. That’s because, during the trip, I found myself even more enthusiastic about the way we’re raising our daughter. I couldn’t wait to get home to write about it.
I Dislike Other People’s Children
I don’t really even like the children of my family members. I could get cute and state that I am so busy being wrapped up in my child’s life that I don’t have any to spare for other children. That’s not my full reason. The stone cold fu*king truth is that in our society many children are raised poorly because the people raising them don’t have that part of their lives as the top priority.
That was on display this weekend. The six children at the lake house, the ones who I didn’t personally create, were all generally terrible. I’ll get into their actions soon, but it should come as little surprise that all six of these children either attend or attended daycare/public school. I wrote my initial thoughts on daycare in this article, and will have many more to come, but suffice it to say, these kids have proven correct our decision to not utilize daycare.
Why Are We Raising Kids To Be Pussies?
A core principle of my parenting style is that there should be consequences for actions. That applies to a one-year-old as much as it does for seventeen-year-old. For example, if a child chooses to run down a slanted driveway too quickly, odds are a knee will be scraped. My daughter did that a couple of months ago. And wouldn’t you believe that she is now more careful when walking/running down the driveway? To be clear, I am not suggesting that I allow my daughter to burn her hand on the oven range, fall down a flight of stairs, be in the water unsupervised, or do anything else that could cause very serious or painful injuries. But the real world, even for babies, is not bubble-wrapped. We as parents can’t stop everything bad.
Evidently, one of my wife’s cousins doesn’t subscribe to the Fathering and Finances newsletter (which you can do here). She cannot let any of her three children (even a five-year-old) out of sight for even a moment. And if they are out of sight, a full-on panic ensues. And these kids, as you would suspect, act like children who are unable to do anything without their mom watching over them. They’re scared of everything.
But it’s not just super young kids. My wife’s other cousin has kids three kids aged, seven, nine and eleven. There have been multiple instances when these kids have cried for no other reason than being scared of the mere suggestion of riding tube being pulled by a pontoon boat. It’s fu*king wild.
I’m Going To Hit You With A Hammer
That was a phrase uttered by my wife’s seven-year-old cousin to a boy in her class who said that he liked her. That was reported to the public school principal and the parents were subsequently called to talk about it. You’ve gotta wonder, how the fu*k is that even a thing a seven-year-old can visualize, let alone say outloud?
It didn’t just stop there though. I witnessed her father attempt to put sunscreen on her. When he approached her she said, “I’m gonna punch you in the balls.” I don’t know what I was more stunned by: the comment or the fact that the father didn’t reprimand his daughter.
I’d like to believe that since this girl is so young her behavior, no doubt learned in daycare and public school, can be corrected. But then I see the way her two older brothers act whether their parents are around or not and realize that the behavior is only likely to get worse.
You Better Learn How To Lose
The nine-year-brother of ‘Hammer Girl’ also has some anger issues. While playing the card game UNO with his mother, my wife, and someone else I learned that he cannot deal with losing. I hate losing. Most people hate losing. It’s part of what strives us to reach for greater heights and improve in the things we care about. So I chalked up that comment as an innocent one. That was until I competed against him in a different card game.
To my knowledge, I’d never played ‘spoons’ until that weekend. I won’t waste time explaining the game because it isn’t completely relevant to the story outside of knowing it’s a game that involves two decks of standard playing cards. After being eliminated in one of the rounds, this kid threw his cards behind him. He was told not to do it again. The next game this kid was eliminated for the second time and again proceeded to throw the cards. My wife told him to pick up the cards, only this little sh*t picked up one and dropped it in between two boards on the outside deck.
The mom took him inside. He apologized to his grandma for messing up a pack of cards, and then was told to make his bed before the fireworks started in TEN MINUTES. I was flabbergasted. Not only was he not instructed to apologize to the people playing the game, this kid was going to get to see fireworks. Something he was looking forward to all day. While all this was going on, his little sister quipped that he was in therapy for his anger. Yes, a nine-year-old is in therapy for anger.
The Father Is MIA
I know the importance of my role as a father not just as it relates to my kids, but to myself. I want to be the best dad that I can be. So it angers me when I see other men not pull their weight. An example of that is the father of the first set of kids mentioned in “Why Are We Raising Kids To Be Pussies?” This guy, besides being there to tell his kids to finish their plates at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, was largely MIA. This is in contrast to his wife running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
This dude would be up until three in the morning and not wake up until close to noon. His time was mainly spent following his 42-year-old cousin around like some sort of beaten-down lap dog. If this is how he conducts himself on vacation when he should be making memories with his young sons, how do we think he is after he picks them up every Friday after his kids spent 45+ hours with strangers that week? Truly inspiring stuff.
Do we all need a break from our kids from time-to-time? Sure. Do we need a break that lasts literal days after we just had a break from our kids via daycare? Sure, if you’re a level up from deadbeat dad.
I Want To Make An Impact
I’ve stated it in nearly every article I’ve written about parenting- my goal is to raise independent, self-sufficient, conservative children. The imperative word there is ‘raise’. The decision my wife and I made before our daughter came through the birth canal was to put them first. We both have goals and things we want to achieve. But our duty, obligation and priority is to raise our kids to be the best they can be; not hand them off to other people so that they become pussies, violent, or angry.
The word ‘validated’ has come up a few times in my mind in recent days. The way my wife’s cousins have chosen to raise their kids is how most people do it. ‘It’ being that people are going to fit kids around their lives. We’ve chosen to fit our lives around our kids. So far it’s paying dividends.
In essence, our time at the lake house reaffirmed my commitment to raising our daughter with intentionality and discipline. That is, in my opinion, the start of the path towards independence, self-sufficiency, and dare I say, becoming a conservative.
