Our Friends And Family Believe We Have A Miracle Baby, But We Credit Our Success To A Consistent Sleep Routine

I take sleeping seriously. I’d always had problems staying asleep while growing up, and it wasn’t until later in my teenage years that I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. After I was diagnosed I went through years of devices, doctor appointments, and finally, surgery, to address the issue. That was a whole lot of work to get to a place where I could sleep relatively comfortably through the night. So it should come as no surprise to anyone that one of my biggest fears about having children is the infamous lack of sleep in the early stages. My wife and I were determined to have that phase last as shortly as possible.

I think it is universal that we all rely on some sort of routine before we can finally close our eyes at night. It can be elaborate or fast, but most, if not all of us, do something consistently before we say goodnight to the world. For me, it’s simple. I brush my teeth, wash my face, pray, and usually watch TV with my wife before I close my eyes. My wife has a similar routine.

So it occurred to us in the middle of the first pregnancy that if we wanted to get through the zombie stage as quickly as possible, we needed to create a routine to provide our daughter comfort and consistency. I will note that while comfort and consistency were the pillars of the routine, there was no scenario, as I highlighted in this article, where co-sleeping would be utilized. We both believe that co-sleeping is not only dangerous, but it creates an environment where a baby is not only reliant on the parent(s), but the parent(s) are reliant on the baby. So, how did we do it?

Before going through our daughter’s routine, I want to be clear in stating that this is not going to happen as quickly as you want. A routine, by definition, doesn’t happen overnight. And if you don’t do the same thing every night then your odds of success will not be high.

We started the routine on her first night in our house. Again, we were under no illusion that what we were doing would mean anything for a very long time. In fact, the routine in the early days was more for our sanity. We considered it an investment. And I can assure you we did not deviate from the routine even once from the moment we started it. I won’t sugarcoat it though: that was tough. You know that occasional feeling when you’re so tired that even brushing your teeth seems like running the fu*king New York City Marathon? Multiply that by a hundred and instead of occasional, it’s every night- for weeks.

The good news? Like purchasing Amazon stock in 1997, our efforts paid off handsomely.

I want to be clear: the content of the routine is not nearly as important as committing to doing something every night that your baby can count on. What worked for us may not work for you.

But since you asked so nicely, this is the routine we used in the early days at close to the same time every night: 1) close the blinds, 2) turn on sound machine, 3) Diaper change, 4) Put baby in pajamas, 5) Put baby in swaddle or sleep sack, 6) take the baby to the bathroom and gently put water on her head, 7) top her off with milk, 8) put baby in crib.

When the baby was inconsolable, we would redo steps six through eight until sleep was achieved. Also, on the nights she would have a bath we would eliminate the sixth step at first, but go back to it if we needed to redo the routine.

As mentioned earlier, several months went by before it took hold. I believe we could’ve gotten this done sooner had I not been so resistant to one thing in particular that I will highlight in the next section.

When we first started doing this I was incredibly apprehensive about pacifier use because I hate the idea of being dependent on anything to fall asleep. The reality is that we all rely on something to fall asleep, and sucking on a pacifier is soothing for a baby. While my opinion on a pacifier at night changed, I still have held my ground that, outside of teething or the times she is extremely agitated, they aren’t used during the daytime.

Had we allowed her to use the pacifier earlier I have no doubt she would’ve self-soothed sooner, fallen asleep quicker, and my wife and I would’ve had increased energy to knock boots even more frequently than we did after the six-week mark. Stick to your routine and don’t be scared to give your baby the pacifier at night.

One thing that was largely out of our control before I left my job was the perfect storm of work schedule issues during our daughter’s third month that required my father-in-law to come down to watch her a few days a week while we went to work. That too delayed our ability to sleep train her. Fortunately, that will not be an issue for the second baby.

Another thing I will change is this nonsense about waking a newborn baby to eat. As new parents, we read the books and articles that said to do this, but after a few weeks. we stopped that practice. Unless there is something wrong with the baby, he or she will wake up when they’re ready to eat. Period.

The last thing I will probably change is putting the baby in a crib sooner. At the two-month mark, we removed our daughter from the bassinet and put her in the nursery. We have not and hopefully will not buy a second crib, Of course, some of that depends on our daughter’s ability to adjust to sleeping on a mattress. I want our son in the crib faster because I’d like him to adjust to that sooner, and I prefer to avoid waking up after hearing every sleeping sound the new baby makes.

Obviously, as your child ages some things will be changed or even dropped entirely during a bedtime routine.

Here is the routine we use for our 15-month-old daughter: 1) close blinds, 2) turn on sound machine, 3) change diaper, 4) put on pajamas, 5) brush teeth, 6) put water on head, 7) read to her, 8) put her in the crib.

Now that she is so used to the routine, the starting time is not as important. She is generally in her crib at 8:00 pm, though it’s not uncommon for the occasional 8:30 pm or later bedtime. We try to keep it as close to 8:00 pm as possible though because she usually wakes up at 7:30 am regardless of when she falls asleep.

Our friends and family call our daughter the ‘miracle baby’ because she is so well-tempered, hitting milestones faster than average, and sleeping incredibly well at night and during naps. Also, since her second doctor appointment she has been at or above the eightieth percentile in height and weight. There are still times that she will regress momentarily due to basic struggles that every baby has, but those are few and far between.

We believe she is growing so well for a few reasons: 1) we don’t send her to daycare, so she gets individualized attention, 2) we are committed to putting her needs first even if it means sacrificing something like leaving early or missing an event entirely, and 3) we created and foster an environment and routine that allows her to both fall and stay asleep peacefully and comfortably.

I would argue there is nothing more important for a baby than getting the appropriate amount of sleep. It is during that time when the brain and body grow. My wife and I share the belief that if you create an environment that allows a baby to easily get that precious sleep then a lot of other things will take care of themselves in a positive way. At least that is what I’m telling myself and praying for as we are only two months away from the baby boy arriving!