When I learned that I would become a father for the first time my brain wandered down multiple different roads instantly and simultaneously. Emotions like happiness (yes!), excitement (I can’t wait to be a Dad!), and manliness (I am a virile man) were rapidly extinguished by thoughts of doubt (can I do this?), concern (are we ready for this), and fear (so many things are going to change). My mind ping-ponged through those thoughts even while I kissed my wife and celebrated.
Upon learning I would be a father for the second time, many of those thoughts reared their beautiful and ugly heads for an encore performance. You’ll understand better if you envision a comma followed by the word ‘again’ in each parenthesis listed above. Once that phase passed, I found that much of the experience was the same.
You Are Not The Conductor Of This Train
I am a class Type-A personality. You only need to watch me in moderate traffic to get the full picture. In fact, I am so impatient behind the wheel of a car that people who have been on the phone with me while I’m in traffic develop road rage. It’s almost like osmosis. That is a long-winded way of saying I am uptight and prefer to be in the driver’s seat both literally and metaphorically. That type of personality is inevitably altered during pregnancy.
This is a hot take, but because I was not born with a vagina I cannot physically grow a child within my body. There, I said it. Now that we have a grasp of basic biology, we turn to another reality; the quality of life of the person who deposited the seed is in many ways inextricably linked to the quality of the life of the person growing that seed into a person. In other words, if you’re: a) around your wife, b) your wife is uncomfortable, tired, hungry, pissed, etc., and c) you’re a good husband, you’re going to experience some degree of that feeling in that particular moment.
And this isn’t, “happy wife, happy life,” bumper sticker bullshit. It’s biology. During our first pregnancy, I worked in an office outside of the house. That means from roughly 7:00 am until 6:30 pm I was separated from my wife. It should come as no surprise that between those hours Monday through Friday, I wasn’t mimicking my wife’s mood. But Saturday through Sunday, oh boy, I mimicked. Life comes at you fast.
Now that I don’t work in an office and my wife works in one infrequently, we are around each other a lot. By the way, I love it. I’ve spoken to friends and colleagues who ride with each other to work in the same car and can’t stand it. Why the fuck are you married then? Anyway, while we’ve been together I find myself accidentally mimicking her behavior. When she’s hungry, I eat. When she’s upset, I’m upset. And when she’s tired and naps (right now) I grow tired and fight like hell to avoid napping. That is the same way it was during pregnancy number one.
There Will And Must Be Banging
I love sex with my wife. That hasn’t changed during the second pregnancy even with the complications of a toddler thrown into the mix. As I wrote a couple weeks ago, a fly on the wall of our bedroom these past few months hasn’t enjoyed watching any jungle sex. Hell, my wife is at the point in pregnancy where she needs to pause before turning while walking. The sex is still getting the job done though.
For some people, the inability to nail even the most basic positions laid out in the Kama Sutra will all but eliminate sex during the latter stages of pregnancy. Some people may not be attracted to their very pregnant wife. For fans of The Office, I’ll remind you about an interaction Pam and Dwight had that sums up the attractiveness of pregnant women for some men. That hasn’t been a problem of mine. At all. Is sex more fun when my wife is normal-sized and there are more positional options available at the buffet? Absolutely. However, the mere sight of my wife, pregnant or not, still gets a massive amount of blood flowing down to my groin.
I don’t understand how healthy married couples, besides those in ‘marriages’ like the one Bill and Hillary Clinton have, can go without sex for more than a couple days. People worry about the lack of sleep because of a newborn. I worry about that, too, but that pales in comparison to the six weeks I’ll go without ‘getting it’. I felt like a teenager in heat during the six weeks post-delivery last time. Based on Church law, I have legally become a virgin again. What I would do to become a hibernating bear in four weeks.
The Costs Remain The Same
I’ve written articles about preparing for pregnancy financially, highlighted our expenses for the first six months, and even listed our purchases for Prime Day 2024. I encourage you to read those articles and everything else Finance-related here. As far as the second pregnancy is concerned, nothing changed for us financially.
We still have an excellent health insurance plan that results in $0 for prenatal, labor, and delivery fees. My wife purchases the same amount of vitamins and supplements that she did before. Besides the new stuff we had to buy, nothing changed in terms of growing a baby boy in my wife’s womb.
If you are not fortunate to have a health insurance plan that covers most, if not all, of your pre-natal care then I continue to strongly encourage you to learn about your deductible and out-of-pocket maximum. You can easily find that online through your provider. Once you find those numbers, stash enough money to cover the out-of-pocket maximum. At that point, no matter what happens during prenatal and labor/delivery you’ll be fully covered.
The Hormones Are Still Out Of Whack
This next section won’t make me sound great without understanding the context. First, I love my wife and I would do anything for her, particularly when she’s pregnant. Second, my wife loves me, would do anything for me, and knows I would do anything for her. Third, she is the first person to admit that her hormones occasionally fuck with her brain. Fourth, again, I love my wife and I would do anything for her.
Now, where were we? Oh, yes. The part that won’t make me sound great.
The collective sense of humor my wife and I have is the cornerstone of our marriage. It allows me to say such things as (look away feminists and those voting for Kamala), “I thought you couldn’t have a period while pregnant?,” when my wife is going over the top about something. Most women today, especially the pregnant hormonal ones, would have a knife held up to their husband’s neck quicker than you can say ‘OJ Simpson’. Not my wife. I actually did that a couple weeks ago, she laughed, and forgot about whatever she was ‘mad’ about. For the record, I’ve nailed down the sarcastic tone.
If you’ve ever known someone with cancer, you’ve probably heard that they hate telling people because they know they’ll be treated differently after the admission. I believe pregnancy is similar to cancer in that way. I have made it a point to not treat my wife much differently when she is pregnant compared to when she isn’t. Why? I think it’s patronizing. My wife works a full-time job, helps me care for a beautiful little girl, and does her fair share of work inside our home. She would be pissed if I treated her like an emotional cripple, and rightfully so.
We still fight and call each other out on our shit. I attempt to bottle up my personal, non-marriage feelings with the best of them. But I don’t mess around with stuff that relates to our marriage. I want it out there for us to solve every problem, no matter how minor, together. I want my marriage to be a model for my children, particularly my daughter, that they can refer to when they’re older.
Back to the hormones. They are still out of whack. There are weird mood swings. Crying. More crying. And that’s just from my side. Seriously though, it’s normal. You’ll get through it the same way you did during the first pregnancy.
Cravings Are Still A Thing
I’ve heard many stories of the (crazy) things women want while pregnant. From Taco Bell at 2:00 am, ice cream in the morning, anchovies as a snack, and everything in between.
My wife’s go-to craving during the first pregnancy was chocolate milk. She couldn’t get enough of the stuff. She also really liked Coca-Cola but wanted it out of a machine. This time around she really likes her chocolate milk and Coca-Cola, but also enjoys restaurant food more than ever.
The latter presents a little bit of a problem. Thanks to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ disastrous inflation plan, getting even a basic dinner for two results in a $40+ bill. I am a strong advocate of sticking to a budget and am completely averse to credit card debt. So we’ve cut back on groceries and spent more at restaurants.
I consider myself lucky because I haven’t made any of those late-night trips. I also consider myself lucky because despite a liquid diet that consists of basically all sugar, I am still not married to a wife who has gestational diabetes. A win for dad, mom, and baby boy. I have heard of cravings getting worse during the second pregnancy. Fortunately, that was not the case for me.
I Can’t Wait To Do It Again
God-willing, we will do this at least one more time. Despite my pessimism, this pregnancy was easier than I could’ve reasonably expected. We still have just under a month left, and I pray every night that things stay the way they are, but I consider myself fortunate and blessed thus far.
There are many similarities between healthy first and second pregnancies. Most aren’t impactful enough to write a sentence about, let alone a few paragraphs.
One of the things I’ve enjoyed about this process is learning new things. By my nature, I am not big on things changing. I am not resistant to change, I’d just rather some things didn’t change. I expected this second time to be brutal. In addition to supporting my wife who is going through the process of fostering life, we’d have a toddler doing the things (some of them annoying) that toddlers do. That is wildly overblown, too. Only God knows how our daughter will react once her brother is born, but she has proven to be resilient and adaptable. Have I already said how blessed we are?
Pregnancy, as with life, comes with ups and downs. But there are many more ups than downs. Cherish these final moments as a family of three. So many new and exciting experiences are yet to come.
